MomDuties

Unconditional Love and Encouragement

Meg

 

images (7)

A school principal in Singapore sent this letter to the parents before the exams..

Dear Parents,
The exams of your children are to start soon. I know you are all really anxious for your child to do well.

But, please do remember, amongst the students, who will be sitting for the exams, there is an artist, who doesn’t need to understand Maths.

There is an entrepreneur, who doesn’t care about History or English literature.

There’s a musician, whose Chemistry marks won’t matter.
There’s a sportsperson, whose physical fitness is more important than Physics..like Schooling

If your child does get top marks, that’s great! But, if he or she doesn’t, please don’t take away their self-confidence and dignity from them.

Tell them it’s OK, it’s just an exam! They are cut out for much bigger things in life.

Tell them, no matter what they score, you love them and will not judge them.

Please do this, and when you do, watch your children conquer the world. One exam or a low mark won’t take away their dreams and talent.

And please, do not think that doctors and engineers are the only happy people in the world.

With Warm Regards,
The Principal.”

(Post from Facebook. Shared by some friends)

This is very timely since Ate’s exam week has just started. We tend to pressure our children at times because we want them to be the best. Who does not want their kids to excel,right? But we have to remember that kids like us, are not perfect. They may not have discovered their talents yet, that’s why we should not discourage them and make them feel bad just because they did not get a high score. It’s our words that can make or break them. I am guilty of putting so much pressure on my daughter during exams because I want her to maintain her honors. Last week, I reviewed her on all of her subjects and there were instances of me shouting at her because of wrong answers. Reading the post above made me think twice if I am doing the right thing to my daughter or I am just stressing her out.

Since children are just starting in life, their self-confidence depends on us. We are the ones responsible for boosting it. It’s okay to tell them that you are expecting a high grade but if they did not meet your expectation, do not dwell on it that much. It does not make them less of a person. In the end, it’s our unconditional love and positive encouragement that will push them to be the best that they can be.

 

20160820_134800

Published by Meg

I am a corporate jungle momma who works at night. Food, chocolates, kdramas, books, and an extra hour of sleep can make me happy. My family is everything to me. Let me overshare my stories as a working mom- my simple joys, struggles, victories, and failing forward.

61 thoughts on “Unconditional Love and Encouragement”

  4. That’s very true. If parents know that their child is really , really poor in Math, they should not force them to take Engineering courses just because the father is a successful engineer. There’s a huge possibility of failure.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. It’s the sad reality. But at least we can have some parents take a step back and assess how they treat their kids when it comes to grades. It’s an eye-opener for me. I tend to get harsh on my daughter because I want her to excel.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. uu dun sa message nun principal, kasi totoo naman parents un nag bbuild ng character nung bata .. minsan sa sobrang taas nun expectations nun parents sa anak, hndi na nagiging normal ung actions namin. char hugot

        Liked by 1 person

  9. many sweet advices for a new mom.. love them. I am not even married yet but just thinking about it gives me butterflies. kids are so cute and yes they make one more thoughtful and responsible and even fun. haha love the article

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  11. True madam. Don’t expect too much and pressure your kids to excel. If you have expectations, tell them beforehand and ask your children’s expectation too – come out with a realistic and workable agreement. Every child is unique – a child may not excel in academics but may excel in arts, music, or sports. Just support and encourage them. And please, please do NOT compare them to other children or even to your younger self – it doesn’t help with building their self-confidence and competence.

    This unsolicited advice comes from my own childhood experience. I grew up feeling valued only by my accomplishments in school. I didn’t only excel in academics but also have talents in arts and music; I was comfortable being alone and felt different from other children (although I do have friends). I grew up feeling insecure about myself. It is difficult when your parent sees your mistakes and weaknesses, and makes you feel worthless through language (“Ang talino mo sana kaya lang ang baba ng EQ mo!” – my mother told me this when I was 7 years old; and the usual “Ang tanga-tanga mo!”, “Gaga ka!”, “Buti pa si ___, ikaw anong ginawa mo?” until high school).

    It took me 20 years to love my uniqueness and flaws as an individual. It was other people, who were not my own blood, who accepted and encouraged me. Although I wasn’t diagnosed as clinically depressed in 2014, I knew that the persistently low self-esteem, self-worth, irritability/bouts of anger, and crying were the result of the emotional build-up I had for so many years. I was not really happy at home with my family, and I would pretend to be happy during birthdays or Christmas holidays. Hindi ko na nakayanan. I had to leave the province and go back here in Manila. I had to distance myself from the emotionally toxic family environment and the very unhelpful communication patterns we had. Almost 2 years later, I am doing very well in terms of work, grad school, and personal life. I still have some issues though with trust and vulnerability because of the early emotional trauma – which I’m trying hard to overcome. I have become guarded and defensive with my feelings, and not yet fully able to love and have a satisfying relationship as an adult, which frustrates me to some extent.

    I am working in a children’s NGO now, and one of my advocacies is positive discipline. Children are NOT little adults. They learn best in a very supportive environment, where their physical, emotional, and mental well-being are valued. They learn mostly by observation, social interaction, exploration/experimentation, and play. Parents need to understand the different phases of a child’s development, as well as their child’s personality, and adjust their language and behavior accordingly. I believe all parents can be good parents – adults just need to be aware of their own experiences, language, and actions, strengths and weaknesses, so they can work towards improving that. Change can be slow and incremental, but children will feel more safe and loved and they can become competent and secure adults, when parenting is taken as a learning journey. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Thanks for sharing your story. I’ll keep this in mind. Wow, good to know that you work for an advocacy. I’d love to hear advices from you about positive discipline and how to extend my patience. I love learning from other people about parenting .

      Like

      Reply

  13. This is absolutely true it’s hard for a child to get confidence if they’re parents itself is pushing them down. It follows with endless nights of crying and it just makes you feel worthless it may seem like nothing but it feels like everything. Try to keep updated on your child’s school life like the things that happen in school apart from studies (and studies ofc) you might not realize that your child is not feeling her/his worth.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. You’re welcome. My daughter’s school principal talked about this topic earlier today during our meeting. Maybe she read letter on Facebook, haha.

      Like

      Reply

  16. I’m guilty of punishing my kids when they don’t get high grades in school. Not physically but emotionally. And it’s much worse, right?
    So, this year, I’ll try my best not only to become a good parent, but a good person. A good human.
    Thank you for this nice post 🙂 God bless!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  19. One of my mantra as a parent is to never compare my son to other kids. Because they are all different. One of my classmate’s son already knows how to identify the eyes, nose etc who has the same age as my son. At first, I felt sorry for my son but I was surprised when my son joined singing to some nursery rhymes and can shoot a ball three times in a row. After that, I just let him enjoy and discover things in his own little ways.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  21. One of the reasons we love homeschooling is that we believe in nurturing and investing in the strengths of our child than obsessing over their weaknesses. After all, a child who hates Math won’t think of becoming a Mathematician when he grows up anyway. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  22. I remember reading this on Facebook as well. This is one of the reasons why we chose to homeschool our 3rd child. Based on our experience with our two eldest kids, there’s already so much pressure in school. Our kids certainly don’t need more pressure from us.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  23. Before we homeschool our eldest, we also pressured him to excel in school. But I praise God that He called us to this beautiful journey of homeschooling. We focus more on the character rather than the academics.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  25. I love the letter. My son just competed in an interschool competition and didnt make it on top. I saw the sadness in his eyes. This is a nice letter to remind myself to tell him that it was just a contest. Being chosen to represent his school is an honor in itself. Thank you for the share. I will talk to him later. He still has another competition to join this Saturday and he could still make improvements on the training.or.review classes.

    Like

    Reply

  26. That’s one awesome letter! I love it! My son doesn’t go to regular school yet but he goes to enrichment school. As much as I love seeing high marks on his worksheets, I don’t fret at all when I see low marks. What matters is that he tried his best!

    Like

    Reply

  29. I’ve seen this post in my newsfeed previously too. And I do agree. Sometimes, parents tend to be perfectionists and high achievers but not really realizing where the strength of their kids lies. Sometimes we as parents need to learn to step back and let our kids show their strengths and give guidance to improve on their weaknesses.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  30. Chelsea is going to take an exam this coming March and kuya is already done with their Periodical test last week. I told him I don’t expect you to get the highest score but I hope you read all the instruction and question so you can come up with the right answer. Still waiting for the result of their test.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  33. My kids are in preschool, so no exams and ranking yet. But as a mom, I really think that we should encourage our kids to study hard and explain the benefits of doing so, but not to the point of pressuring them 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  34. I’ve seen that letter circulating and I totally agree with it. I’m not yet guilty of putting pressure on the kids yet but I fear I might too when the time comes. May that letter constantly remind me to cut them some slack.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  35. I commend the principal for the encouraging words in this letter. I hope all the principals and teachers will be heartwarming like the letter sender. Most of the principals I know are either too busy managing their schools they won’t have the time to even look at the grades of each of the students.

    Like

    Reply

  36. Very true. I try to lessen the pressure by reviewing my son a week before the exam. A casual review so there won’t be any pressure on them and on me. This worked out well and I realized ut qould be great to start it two weeks before the exam. Just a casual review. Because if we review during the exam week, we will be all under pressure and will start getting angry. Haha. Talking from experience. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  38. I can’t help but smile while reading the Principal’s letter. Ang ganda! And it’s true naman, every child has their own unique potential. We should always believe in them and see what they do best rather than point where they are lacking. Some parents to do the latter kasi. I know… I am guilty of that, too! Hahaha

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment