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Hellooooooo!!! Namiss ko ang mag-ingay sa WordPress. The last 3 months changed my life. Unexpected heartbreak, bad decisions, feeling lost and days full of tears. I stopped doing things that make me happy. Gusto ko lang magmukmok. Pero ngayon, may rainbow na ulit ❤️ At since birthday ko kahapon, ang regalo ko sa sarili ko ay to go back to an old love which is writing/blogging. Namiss nyo ba ‘ko? Haha!

Bakit ako nanahimik? A part of me died. I mourned. Umikot ang mundo ko ng 360 degrees. My personal life and work were in chaos. My faith was shaken. I was a complete mess. I never thought na makakabawi pa ko. I read spiritual books pero walang effect. I read inspirational blogs pero down na down pa rin ako. Parang walang tumatama. I asked God kung bakit kailangan kong mahurt. Feeling ko naman mabait ako haha at hindi naman ako masamang tao pero why me? Did I commit a mortal sin in my past life kaya para akong pinaparusahan? Ang daming tanong. For the first time, I had doubts kung totoo si God at kung mahal Nya ba ko. OA no? Pero sa true yan.

Hindi ko na rin alam kung anong nangyari pero through people na alam kong mahal ako at laging nandyan para makinig, nafeel ko na love naman ako ni Lord. Haha. Pag may pagsubok, it does not mean na pinabayaan ka. He’s molding you to become better, stronger and wiser. I mustered the courage to fight the monsters in my head. Ayoko ng maging sad, I want to end this misery. Slowly, I am getting up. Baby steps pero kaya. Nakatayo na, hindi na lugmok. Mas marami ng araw na happy ang heart ko, hindi tulad dati na pumapasok akong walang tulog kakaisip. Ang daming events lalo na this month na nagpasaya sakin at looking forward ako sa mga future ganap. Walang araw na nawala sa isip ko yung mga nangyari nung nakalipas na 3 months. Pero mas nakakaya ko ng labanan ang emotions ko. Mahirap, sobrang hirap labanan ang sarili pero push lang. Aja!

Past is past. Sa true yan. Ngayon ko nafeel ang totoong meaning nyan. There are things that can’t be undone so you should live in the present. Easier said than done pero pag nabuhay ka sa past, hindi healthy. You will always be pessimistic and makakahawa ng negativity sa ibang tao. You have to forgive those who caused you pain and forgive yourself, too.

I’m not yet 100% okay but I’m glad na may progress na. Malayo pa rin ako sa ineexpect kong estado ng pagiisip at puso ko but I can say that things are much better now. I will never be the same person. Never. After everything that I went and am going through, I will never be the same Meg.

Special tong blog post na to dahil para sakin, it’s a sign that I am moving on. Hindi ako makapagsulat nung sobrang lungkot ko. Yung iba mas nakakahugot pag emotional but it’s the other way around sakin. I’m hoping that this is the start of my comeback (yesssss comeback! Haha) I want to share stories about my family, friends and my life as a working mom AGAIN. I want to inspire AGAIN.

To the people who encouraged me to fight and reminded me that I am loved, salamat. Super. Akala ko, hindi na ko aabutin ng birthday ko! Haha! Lord, alam Mo na yon 🙂 You know what my heart wants to tell You.

Happy Birthday, self. Cheers for not giving up.