Guess what? I turned thirty years old yesterday! Yay! I don’t mind telling people my age because I believe that the older someone get, the wiser and better she becomes and I hope I can apply this to myself *wink* My birthday was simple, pretty quiet if I may add, but I loved it because I kissed my twenties goodbye and another chapter has just begun. Another decade of new adventures, challenges and precious memories.
If you have read my previous posts, you already know that I am going through an emotional and mental battle. You may want to ask for an update out of concern or curiosity and here’s the answer- it’s a work in progress. I can’t say that I am okay because I am not. NOT YET. There were sleepless days and nights and I couldn’t explain why. I was overthinking and found myself crying just a day before my birthday as anxiety won again. My emotions were uncontrollable and I thought it would ruin my day. Good thing I decided to stand up, took a bath and went out with my husband. We ate in a japanese restaurant and bought some stuff (read: basic makeup items for me) I also shared my feelings to my friends and they cheered me up.
On a positive note, waking up crying and feeling down became less frequent. When my sleep gets interrupted at around 4am, I still try to go to sleep and when I couldn’t, I pray, watch my favorite movies or series, eat or fold clothes. I keep myself busy. My journaling is now more consistent and documenting memories delights me. I even got myself a pocket printer so I can print pictures and quotes. I read it from time to time and there’s a calming effect when I look back and remember the days when I laughed and felt happy. Happiness looks good on me haha! Whenever there’s an occasion, activity at work or meet up with family and friends, I look forward to it with excitement unlike before when I wanted to isolate myself from the people who love me and I felt that everything at my workplace was just plain and boring. It’s like I would like to leave everything behind and just start a new life or shut down and become a new human being. But I don’t feel this way now.
Slowly, my dark world is starting to be filled with light. Self, I promise I won’t let you down. You’ve been through a lot of hardships and heartbreaks and now it’s time for your breakthroughs. Some days we’ll win, some days we’ll not. The past will hunt us and the future remains uncertain and frightening but our resilience will make us stand still. Hang in there, strengthen your faith and put your makeup on. Grace under pressure, remember? *wink*
Age is just a number. For me, what matters is not how young or old you are but the lessons you’ve learned from people and experiences that made you stronger, mature and helped you realize that even at your lowest lows, the Lord is there and His love manifests in your loved ones who understand and love you. You’re not alone.
To Turning Thirty and Staying Pretty and Classy (haha!),