It has been 4 years since I started blogging. I do not consider myself a good writer but I love to tell stories and share what is in my mind. Back in 2018, I was in deep pain I stopped writing. I could not get myself to write, as it would be hypocritical to post happy stories when I am not okay. I did not want to overshare what I was going through either so I decided to take a break. While some people can still create beautiful contents when they are emotional, it is the other way around for me.
Last year, I was at my worst. My whole being was destroyed and felt like it was beyond repair. Being drained mentally and emotionally made me forget that I am still alive and can do so many things including writing. My anxiety was like a ticking bomb, ready to blow any minute and cover me with hurt, anger, self-pity and insecurity. As much as I would like to shut myself down, I could not stay in that state for too long, as I needed to be okay. I had to look and sound okay. I have a family that needs me and the responsibilities at work had to be fulfilled even if I was dying inside.
In my desperate attempt to go back to my old self, I was present in a lot of eat outs and bonding moments with family and friends, read a handful of books, watched new Korean series, posted a few stories on my blog and attended concerts of the two boybands I love. That felt good and I was a little better but for the most part, ghosts of the past still haunted me after the happenings were done and I’m alone. If I have had any progress in terms of my emotional state before the New Year started, I really don’t know.
Now it is 2020. I am still in the process of healing and trying to bring my old self back but sometimes I think she’s already gone .I am
not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing but this one’s clear- I questioned my worth and value as a person and now I am determined to love myself. The person I have become after everything that happened in the past- the woman who’s trying to live in the present and hopeful about the future is the new me.
Writing is an old habit of mine that will not die and it’s a blessing to be able to share my life through this blog. It’s my way of immortalizing my thoughts and a personal space where I pour my heart out. To you who’s been with me since the start of my blogging journey, thank you! Cheers to more stories!