My post entitled Light talks about lessons I learned the hard way from friendship and pleasing people. Recently, my daughter had an experience with a “friend” which led me to give her some advice about the reality of having friends and choosing the right ones.
The memory of me and my daughter sitting on the floor while I fix her notebook is still fresh in my mind. I asked why her pens are missing. She replied, ” (Name of a classmate) borrowed my pen but returned a different one. When I told her it is not mine, she got mad and exclaimed that she lost my pen and I just have to accept what she gave me. “
I thought the classmate she was referring to is her friend because based on her stories, they talk to each other and get along just fine. My daughter confessed that there were times when her “friend” would ignore her for no reason, but she would still try to get her classmate’s attention. She was tearful while telling me this. It kinda broke my heart. My protective instinct kicked in. I would like to raise my daughter as someone who knows how to choose the right people she can be with and not be a people pleaser (because Nocturnal Mom is guilty of this sometimes) You might say she is too young and what happened is just normal because kids have a tendency to be mean. For me, it is much more than that.
As a parent, it is my aim to teach my kids how to stand for themselves. If someone does them wrong, they should speak up. Being silent all the time will make the other party think that it is okay to repeat the same since my kids stay shut. “What you allow will continue”, is a leadership principle that I believe in.
Here is what I explained to my little lady after hearing her story:
“If she is your friend, she could have at least said sorry since she lost your pen. It only means that she does not care and that is NOT a friend. You do not need someone like her. True friends will not ignore you and know how to apologize if they caused you any trouble. It’s time for you to stop chasing her. You have a lot of classmates who you can befriend. Next time, if you let others borrow your stuff, remind them to take care of it. It is their responsibility. Also, tell them to bring their own.”
My daughter whispered “yes” and that was enough for me. She is smart and I am confident that she understood my message. Thank you, darling, for trusting your Mama. Don’t worry, I will be your best friend ’til the end.