MomDuties

What I Taught My Daughter About Friendship

Meg

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My post entitled Light talks about lessons I learned the hard way from friendship and pleasing people. Recently, my daughter had an experience with a “friend” which led me to give her some advice about the reality of having friends and choosing the right ones.

The memory of me and my daughter sitting on the floor while I fix her notebook is still fresh in my mind. I asked why her pens are missing. She replied, ” (Name of a classmate) borrowed my pen but returned a different one. When I told her it is not mine, she got mad and exclaimed that she lost my pen and I just have to accept what she gave me. “

I thought the classmate she was referring to is her friend because based on her stories, they talk to each other and get along just fine. My daughter confessed that there were times when her “friend” would ignore her for no reason, but she would still try to get her classmate’s attention. She was tearful while telling me this. It kinda broke my heart. My protective instinct kicked in. I would like to raise my daughter as someone who knows how to choose the right people she can be with and not be a people pleaser (because Nocturnal Mom is guilty of this sometimes) You might say she is too young and what happened is just normal because kids have a tendency to be mean. For me, it is much more than that.

As a parent, it is my aim to teach my kids how to stand for themselves. If someone does them wrong, they should speak up. Being silent all the time will make the other party think that it is okay to repeat the same since my kids stay shut. “What you allow will continue”, is a leadership principle that I believe in.

Here is what I explained to my little lady after hearing her story:

“If she is your friend, she could have at least said sorry since she lost your pen. It only means that she does not care and that is NOT a friend. You do not need someone like her. True friends will not ignore you and know how to apologize if they caused you any trouble. It’s time for you to stop chasing her. You have a lot of classmates who you can befriend. Next time, if you let others borrow your stuff, remind them to take care of it. It is their responsibility. Also, tell them to bring their own.”

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My daughter whispered “yes” and that was enough for me. She is smart and I am confident that she understood my message. Thank you, darling, for trusting your Mama. Don’t worry, I will be your best friend ’til the end.

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Published by Meg

I am a corporate jungle momma who works at night. Food, chocolates, kdramas, books, and an extra hour of sleep can make me happy. My family is everything to me. Let me overshare my stories as a working mom- my simple joys, struggles, victories, and failing forward.

36 thoughts on “What I Taught My Daughter About Friendship”

  1. Yes, there are ” friends” like that. Your daughter must be a nice, sweet girl who likes to please. She will be a target of this kind of person if she doesn’t stand up for herself. She should always stand up for fairness. It’s okay to lose that kind of ” friend” , because that one will make her school life unpleasant and miserable. That’s the beginning of bullying episodes. Tell your daughter to avoid her.

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      1. More often than not, bullying leaves a lifelong scar on the victim. I know that because I’d experienced it and to this day, I still feel great anger everytime I remember. A gay classmate of mine in high school killed himself because of bullying. We failed to protect him.

        Anyway, your daughter’s friend is a potential bully. Tell her to stay away from her.

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      2. Sorry to hear that, Renx. Will surely let my daughter know of your advice. I also experienced bullying when I was young and cyberbullying. What a shame to be bullied by people I do not personally know. Most interactions we had were just virtual and yet, I gave them the right to disturb my peace of mind.Did not know what was wrong with me. Finally, I decided to leave and unfriended all of them. Turning my back on people who do not even matter made me genuinely happy.

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  3. This is so on point for me right now. I have two girls age 13 & 10 and they have had to go through the process of choosing friends very wisely on numerous occasions. My advice is the same as yours and I am so thankful to see them mature & develop into kind & caring girls with strength of character. All the best! Hayley 😊

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    1. Oh thanks, Hayley! It’s always a pleasure to connect with other mom bloggers 🙂 Raising kids is much more than working for them to provide their needs. As parents, we have to teach them to be street smart and be wise. Glad your kids are growing up as good and strong ladies. Looking forward to reading more of your posts! ❤

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  4. Hi Ate(?) Meg! I am so thankful to God that there are moms like you. I’m recently having a problem with a friend of mine… because of that I cried during the night and the day I woke up. My mom talked to me about the problem, hugged me, and made me feel better. I really adore moms that are like best friends to their daughters. I know your daughter is a nice and caring girl, because you’ve done your parenting so well. Salute! ☺

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  5. You have an adorable baby girl! She’s lucky to have a mom like you. ❤ Your story reminds me of my nephew's 'friend'. He accused my nephew of stealing his fidget spinner and goes on to tell his mom about it. He even wants someone from our home to come to his house to explain what happened to his mom. I obviously went berserk! I was shouting on the streets telling both the kids to find that fidget spinner because it wasn't with my nephew. Guess where it was… it was in the bushes in one of our neighbor's house. I told my nephew that friends who accuse you of something without proof aren't really your friends. I can't change the way that other boy thinks/acts but I can try my best to teach my nephew to filter who he wants to be friends with. Hay kids, paano pa kaya pag ako na yung mommy. I'm scared! Kaya talaga I enjoy reading your posts. Hahahaa.

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  6. Not too long ago ah, as in nito lang. 26 years old na ako may ganap ako sa (ex) friends ko. As in ang pangit ng nangyari and sure enough, my mom was there for me. Siya talaga nagpalakas ng loob ko and nagexplain ng paulit ulit na “ginaganyan ka ng mga yan?? Hindi mo mga kaibigan yan” and then during my moving on phase, she kept telling me that it is not important who I have lost dahil marami pang mas worthy diyan and sinabi nya sakin na siya naman daw ang best friend ko. 🙂 🙂 🙂
    Feel ko ganyan ka rin, like my mom. Someday, I want to be like you and my mom. ❤

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    1. You are so sweet, Thea. Sana ganyan din ang mga anak ko kahit malaki na sila, magoopen up sa akin kapag may problema.Marami akong shortcomings as a mom pero hopefully natuturuan ko ng tama ang mga anak ko. Stay sweet to your mom! God bless! ❤

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      1. Sobrang close talaga kami ng mom ko. Lahat sinasabi ko sakanya. Siguro kasi nasimulan namin ng ganoon. Nung bata ako kapag may mali akong nagagawa talagang usap kami, hindi yung palo nalang basta basta. Kaya ngayon, narealize ko talaga na mom ko yung safest bet kung kanino ako magsabi ng lahat lahat. Alam mo ba pati contraceptives openly namin napapagusapan. hahaha for sure ganyan din magiging relationship niyo ng daughter mo. 🙂 Nobody’s perfect and through her life, marerealize nya kung gaanong kaswerte siya sayo despite sa shortcomings mo ❤

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  7. First time kong umuwi ng bahay nung college ako na luhaan ay hindi dahil sa boylet kundi dahil sa mga kaibigan, feeling ko I broke my mom’s heart din at that time gaya mo…pero at least bata pa lang siya nalalaman na niya ang true friendship

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  9. Hello po. Wonderful post. Something to remind us on what a real true friend is. Maalala ko dati madaming lumalapit pag may kailangan pero pag ikaw na nangangailangan wala ka ng kasama. BTW I nominate you po sa Mystery Blogger Award. “Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging; and they do it with so much love and passion.
    – Okoto Enigma
    I hope you participate po. Salamat!

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  10. Aww.. what a great post! I love how you made your daughter realize that true friends won’t make you feel bad about yourself let alone borrow something and not return it after all. I would definitely do the same for my son when the time comes. 😊

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      7. I see.. wow! grabe sarap siguro sa pakiramdam kapag ganun na kalaki ang bebe. Yes! Natuwa ako as in nung nakasali ako sa group. 😊

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  11. This broke my heart 😦 I have 2 daughters and one of them is sensitive. Most of the time she would tell me stories about a classmate of hers that would not let my daughter write the “noisy list” (lol) or she would not let another classmate lend a Frixion pen to my daughter. I always tell her to just ignore that mean classmate and befriend others.

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